3 Nephi Chapter 11

I have to confess that I hadn't been reading my scriptures for awhile now. Probably a whole month. And I kept making excuses about it, like how I was too tired from Sophia keeping me up at night. Yet I noticed that I found time for other not very important things. So I kept saying I'll read tomorrow, I'll read later. Well finally this past Monday I said, "Okay I'm going to read."

My daughter hadn't gone to school so she decided to sit next to me and do her homework while I read. I thought, great now she's going to be asking me for help. I might as well not read. Then I thought, I'm not going to even remember where I left off and I won't even know what's going on. Wow, wonder who was putting all these thoughts in my mind. Then I finally opened my scriptures up and saw that I had left off on 3 Nephi chapter 11. I also realized there were 41 versus. Immediately I thought; these are too many. How many should I read? So finally after much thought and a couple of math questions from my daughter I started reading.

Oh my goodness, I received so many affirmations that I soon realized why Satan didn't want me to read my scriptures.

I was again received testimony that my Heavenly Father knows me, is aware of me, and talks to us through the scriptures.

As I began to read, I still was a little negative, thinking okay I know this and that, and was reading pretty fast. Then I came to verse 28-30.

28......And there shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been.
29. For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger one with another.
30. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.

See for the past month I had been having some issues with church members that had made me feel very angry. I had even been rude to some at some point because I felt so hurt. Contentions about the doctrine had also arised. My heart had been stirred up and I allowed it to take over me. I think that my spirit was very weakend and that was also a reason for not wanting to read my scriptures I think. So it wasn't a coinsidence that I had left off here and that Satan didn't want me to read these verses. Yes, I had heard these verses before, but this time it was a reminder directly from my H.F. to me. I felt it in my heart, I felt ashamed and sad that I had allowed myself to get to this point. But I also felt happy and blessed to know that I have His gospel to guide me, to remind me to get back on the right path. I feel blessed to be in the true church. But I especially feel blessed to have a testimony of God, and to know that he is aware of me. He knows me and he is there for me when I need him even when I don't ask for his help he gives it to me anyways. Even when I'm not being as obedient as I should be he is still there for me ready to guide me and strenghten me.